Happy Holidays!

Christmas has come and gone. I got some pretty awesome presents and I got to see my family! I always love Christmas. The lights and music always get me in a good mood. My brother got me a sonic screwdriver! I've been annoying everyone with 100 yards with it :) love this thing!

I'm off of school this whole week so expect some posts. Oh, and me and my brother got Star Wars the Old Republic and I love it! I'm playing as a Sith warrior so I'm a "bad guy". I'm a nerd for Star Wars so when I saw the trailer I had to get the game xD gonna be playing that game this week as well.

Hope you're well over the holidays. Don't get too drunk on New Years and have a happy last few days of 2011!

Jamie

My Crazy Idea

     So, I had this really crazy idea (hence the title) that it would be pretty fun to travel to another country. Now, I have already had the pleasure of visiting England and Scotland some 4 years ago and loved it! I loved leaving a place that I'm used to, to a place much different. I am having the same craving of leaving the good o' US to visit Japan. I'm a huge nerd for anime and manga, and a huge nerd for learning a new culture. Japan seemed to fit both of those desires. I have asked my mom what she thought of the idea and, of course, found it fascinating but expensive. I completely agree. The cost for a year is about $12,000. That is a lot of money that we don't have.
     Last time I went, it was about $7,000 give or take a few hundreds. There are some scholarships out there (some with very strict eligibility requirements) but not enough to cover a lot. I really, really want to go but I seriously need to start saving some money. I do some chores around the house and I can make up to $41 a week with my allowance but, again, not gonna get me to $12,000. I'm going to talk to my school counselor on Wednesday to see if he has any scholarships or school programs that will help. I also know from last time that sending letters to friends, family, and small businesses are really good ways of getting money.
     If anyone has some ideas of ways to earn some money, that would be much appreciated! Sorry, clarification, I'm not asking for money! Just ideas and tips anyone has! Thanks! Wish me luck, I'll keep ya posted!

jamie

Adventure Time!

I have just arrived home after spending a wonderful time at the Art Institute of Chicago! I some photos so I'll put some up but not all of them; some of them are a bid boring. I absolutely love Chicago! I love any big city, really. I felt so small compared to the huge skyscrapers, which were really, really, really tall.There was a boat load of people walking around even though I was freezing my butt off. All I did there was go to the museum and Navy Pier. I didn't get a chance to walk around and buy some stuff :( That's kinda disappointing but another time will come for me to go!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

     Finally it's Thanksgiving Break! It hasn't really lasted that long but I'm glad to be out of school even if for a week. Wow. Thanksgiving is done but there are already Christmas commercials going on. It makes me really excited for Christmas >.< It has been a while since I've blogged and I miss it!! A lot of issues have been going on throughout my life. A lot of negativity. Honestly, I'm tired of it all but I'm hoping to graduate early and leave home. Far from home.
     Autumn is here! I'm so excited to wear scarfs and sweaters! I love when it gets cool out! Sorry it's been so long!

jamie

Way Too Busy!!

     Sorry for not posting in a really long time! High school has been giving me hell. I've gotten a lot of homework that has been increasingly hard as the year goes on. I'm tired almost everyday but I'm smiling. I don't like school (if you hadn't already seen) so I want to graduate early. I talked to my school counselor about graduating early and he said that I would have to take extra classes over the summer. Honestly, If that's all I have to do to graduate a year early, I'm all for it. I want to get out of the state that I'm living in currently because I hate...hate it here. I absolutely refuse to stay here after high school. So, if I graduate early, I would move with my aunt and work for a year so I can earn more money and technically be "in state" when I apply for a college there.
     It's gonna be pretty long and tiring but the sooner I'm out of high school, the better. Let me know what you all think. Have an awesome weekend!

              jamie

Medication.

     So Friday I went to the doctor to get some medication and I have been taking it for about 4 days now. Nothing has really changed but it's only been a few days. Thanks to Emma for the amazing support :) and of course my family.
     I also saw the season premiere of Doctor Who which blew my mind into the universe. If you haven't seen it, go now! Counting the days until Christmas for the next season!!
     Sorry, this was pretty short. All my loving to you! Have a great week!

               Jamie

I&apos;m Alive but Barely

Sorry I'm posting so late! I've been recovering from a cold AND school. I said I was gonna be more positive but I'm just so damn tired. I've almost fallen asleep in all of my classes. Lack of sleep? Yes. Today was ok (and I'm being generous by saying "ok"). So woke up at 6:30 which is way early for me and I was running late for the bus, which didn't come for another 10 minutes after I got to the bus stop. The bus driver drives really. Really. Really. Slow. Got to class late, forgot my Spanish binder, forgot my only pencil at home, and to top it off: forgot my Batman folder (don't laugh, Batman's cool) which had all of my homework due today.
Thank you fate and god and whoever else is up there for giving me an angelic brother WITH A LICENSE!! He was able to drive it out for me so that was good. Phew. And it's only Wednesday.
Sorry again for posting late, you can tell I've had my hands full. Remember, I before E unless you're doing the alphabet. Have a great week guys!

Jamie

I'm Sick!

     So, I have cold. Let's be honest, not that great. Last night I didn't get a wink of sleep because I was sneezing and blowing my nose. I feel a whole lot better, but still I'm not feeling like school tomorrow. I'll go!! I have already taken my medicine for my cold so, I think I'll be fine.
     After getting up at, like, 5 o'clock in the morning, my mom hit me with a blast of reality. That was a little hard to hear but she's right. She explained to me that I should be more social and that I shouldn't keep shutting people out of my life. It's true.
     I also had my counseling session today in which I asked my counselor about getting medication. After talking about it, we're going to go back to the doctor to try and get a medication that will help my anxiety more than my voices. Yay. Still a little uneasy, but all is good.

      Hope you all are well. Keep your amazingness going!

             -jamie

Geek.kon!!

For those of you who don't know what geek.kon is, it's a convention that takes place in my town every year that brings together geeks and nerds alike. I absolutely love geek.kon and I had a blast when I went. There was a venders alley which, I admit, I spent more than I should. There was also a HUGE gaming room that was filled with every video game you can imagine.

I was hugged by a random guy who said I was cute and that I should have a good time. That was pretty awesome. I got a picture of the Tardis from Doctor Who!! I took it with my phone so it's not the best quality and it's sideways but still good.

Can Anyone Say Crappiest Day of My Life?

       I can.Today was really, one of the worst days of the new school year. I have anxiety attacks every once in a while especially over the school year. Last night I was working on my English homework that I had absoulelty no idea how to do since I was gone when they were explaining it. That kept me awake until about 11. I didn't actually get to sleep until midnight, which is actually very good since I have a hard time falling asleep. I then had to get up at 5'oclock the next morning (which I didn't because I was way too damn tired). When I did get out of bed I pretty much had a melt down. I did not want to go to school today. My mood was bad and I was tired. So tired. After crying my eyes out for a bit...wait for it....I got a freaking bloody nose. That lasted 15 minutes. My mom wouldn't let me stay home from school today, so I was getting ready late with red, puffy eyes. Perfect.
      I was almost late for the bus. For 3 periods I had to lug around a 20 pound textbook which made my back scream every time I moved. A kid tried to beat me up. That always makes me feel good. Neither of us even got in a good punch before I just left. I lost a friend because of that. After school was over, which the highlight of my day was lunch, my mom told me I had a dentist appointment to go to. Thankfully the dentist that I go to is very close to the high school, maybe about a mile away. So I walked all the way over there and by this time the buses are gone (I take the bus home) I go to the dentist office and check in and get this, my appointment wasn't today but tomorrow. Story of my life. Getting the freaking dates wrong. My mom, dad, and brother were at work so they couldn't pick me up. I had to walk for a half hour to get home. It wouldn't be as bad if I didn't have a 20 pound backpack I had to carry on my already sore back. And if I was in shape. Neither of those were so thankful for me.
       So I can honestly say, today sucked. More than other days. I even want to transfer to a virtual school, that' how much I'm tired of my damn school that always says that it's so good. I'm serisouly tired of people, I mean, I got enough people in my head I don't need more from the real world that might actually be worst.
       Ok, I'm done ranting. Hope all of you have a much better week :)

                 jamie

What a Week!

       Good afternoon! So school has started, as many of you may know, which has been busy and hectic. This week has not been an exception. Mountains of homework, tests, and writing prompts has certainly kept my school life a living hell. Not to mention the always amusing presence of classmates I don't like. I have very few classes with my friends which is extremely unfortunate. I also have many classes with people I don't like. School this year has not been kind to me, I admit. What's more is that I'm definitely feeling the pressure of school weighing me down. I predict that very soon my anxiety levels will shoot up. Meaning I will be posting a lot more to try and calm me down. It's very exhausting for me to go to school. Especially when I'm worrying about what others think about me.
       In other news, I have finished Alice in Wonderland! (the book) I found it very confusing but very entertaining.

       It has become one of my favorite books of all time! I love reading so I'll keep you all checked in on my books that I read. If any of you have a good book you want to recommend to me, I'm open to all fiction books! But no non-fiction and history books :)

       That's pretty much it for now, I'm probably gonna go to a geek convention later today or tomorrow and I'll take many pictures! Be safe and calm!

                  jamie

Hell was, well....hell.

          Friday was the first day of school. Holy shit. Worst day ever. I'm not gonna rant too much on how the day sucked. Let's just say I'm not excited for this school year. Not at all. I'll try and keep my school life updated! I'm already dreading tomorrow. Thankfully I had today off! I was not in the mood to deal with everything at school. I'll try and make the year count but I'm not gonna like it :(


          Wish me luck!! Don't be afraid to get emotional!

                 -jamie

Some Issues at Home

         Hello, everyone! My dad has become a constant issue in my house. He's been a jerk to me, my mom, and my brother for a long time. He's been saying and doing things that have pissed us all off and he doesn't really seem to get that. He hasn't really helped with my anxiety (he's actually brought it up), he hasn't helped with my short temper that I have (like a said before, he increases it), and really doesn't help with my voices and hallucinations. It's just been another stress in my life that I honestly don't need.
          What's better is he's off this whole week! Oh joy! Thankfully, he's working on the cars so I don't have to deal with him. Still, it's those quick, "Hey, sweetheart, do you want to tell me everything that's on your mind?" type of things that make my eye twitch.
          On top of that drama, school is in 2 days....can't you just hear the excitement? I feel like puking. I'm expecting not having lunch with my friends :( Our high school has two different lunch periods so I'm really scared I might not have a lunch period with my friends.

          Make an effort to be who you are, not who you think you are! Smiles :)

                         -jamie

I'm a complete nerd!!

Hello! Don't know if this is obvious or not but I'm a complete nerd! I have a comic book collection, posters of the justice league, everything!! Tonight I'm especially happy for tonight is the season premiere of my favorite tv show of all time, Doctor Who!! You have no idea how excited I am. I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning to watch it cause I want to watch the show, not all the commercials.
I watched, literally, a second of the episode tonight and freaked out. I. Don't. Want. Spoilers. I'm way too excited for this show to have it ruined by a spoiler!! For those of you who don't know what Doctor Who is. Please. Please go watch it. If you love sci-fi shows and movies, this is the TV series you want to be watching.In other news, my laptop died. I'm currently using my mom's laptop. It's good but, you know, I miss my laptop :( We're taking it to the shop later this week. *Crossing fingers* I'm really hoping they can fixed it. If not...I don't really want to think of that.

Have a fabulous weekend! Blessings to those in Hurricane Irene. Keep happy!

-jamie

My friend is back!!

So my friend is back from Hawaii and I'm very happy to see her! Though, I haven't seen her yet. Not important. Or is it? I'll figure that out later.

School has been creeping up way too fast. I honestly can't say that I'm happy to go back to school. That building somehow reminds me of hell. I don't know why but whenever I think of that place bad memories seem to come up in the head. I'm excited to see my friends, no doubt about that. Not excited to see the high school bitches and their jerk-boyfriends. Oh, high school. What a lovely place.

Keep ya posted! Have a great week!

-jamie

I'm quite worried but happy!

I have finally finished driver's ed!! I passed my permit test and all is well. Mostly. I still have to wait until December before I can get my actual permit and start driving. It sucks that I have to wait! I could have a job by now if I didn't have to wait for stupid license. At least I don't have to wake up in the morning. That's a plus.

On another note, my mental....issue, shall we say, has been growing far more annoying as school gets closer. More headaches, more anxiety, more frustration. I'm actually considering taking the medication for this but...I don't want to. Weird how my brain works, huh? My counselor has been trying to get me on the meds for a couple of months now. I don't know if I should. Let me clarify a bit. I have schizophrenia which is a mental disorder having to do with not knowing reality over imagination, something like that. Anyway, I'm having trouble deciding whether to take the meds or try and get out of this myself. It's been 3 or 4 years since I've realized my...issue. Long time. I've only recently decided to get help.

Enough about that! I usually don't like talking about that. Hope you have a wonderful weekend, it's beautiful here!

Remember, a rainbow comes after it rains :)

-Jamie

Just a normal post

Man, you have no idea how tired I am. All this month I've had drivers ed. Which, to be honest, is boring as hell. I admit that it is important but I'm having trouble getting up in the morning. Maybe it's just me but 6 am is not the time I want to get up in the morning. Though, I have more motivation now! I found an awesome job the only problem is my work hours would be after school. The time when my parents aren't around. So, I just have to deal with waking up really early for another week and then freedom!...for one week and then it's school time.

Speaking of that hell hole, we had registration recently which was oh so fun. (Sarcasm) I don't have many classes with my friends which sucks. [insert bad word of your choice here] I'm not really excited for the new year especially since I might actually have to make friends [shudder] But I'll make the best of it! This year I'm gonna try to reach out to people a little more! How anti-social do sound? But, seriously, I do want to make this a good year! I'll do my best :)

Do your best and keep smiling,

-Jamie

Somewhat Lonely

It's summer vacation, a time to stay up late and wake up at noon. School is finally over and endless game play begins. I thought I would be fine without hanging out with my friends but I find my need for social interaction increasing over the past few days. God, don't I sound anti-social. Truth is, don't laugh when I say this but I'm afraid to ask my friends to hangout. I understand that sounds quite ridiculous but I'm always afraid of getting rejected. I know they're my friends and I can call them up whenever I want but. *sigh* I've never really had that much courage to do things.

Do I need more courage? That's a definite yes. Games and comic books aren't gonna replace my amazing friends. Now I sound like a fat nerd blogging my life away. Maybe that's what I am. A nerd who can only communicate through technology cause I'm too shy to say anything. I'm not anti-social! I'm just not good with talking to people. Speeches make me sick to my stomach. I'm too shy to talk to anyone. Even if I do talk, I doubt anyone hears me. I'm so pessimistic. Sorry, I really do have issues when talking about myself.

Let's get this straight. I'm a really happy person, swear on life! I just feel like sometimes, I'm invisible. And it's somewhat lonely.

Thanks for hearing me rant a bit. Keep smiling! It's awesome when you do :)

-Jamie